An anonymous Reddit user from San Jose said, “I’ve kinda given up on dating, I just enjoy myself and my hobbies. I work, take care of my folks as they get older. I guess you could call it the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) thing.”
The concept of “men going their own way” isn’t new. While it’s been popularized in recent years thanks to influencers and podcasts, the phenomenon of men rejecting romantic relationships with women dates back to the early 2000s. In 2004, two men using the pseudonyms “Ragnar” and “Meagainstthestate” launched the first recorded MGTOW website, titled Men Going Their Own Way (now defunct). The site laid out an early MGTOW manifesto and encouraged men to reject what they viewed as a gynocentric society in favor of autonomy from women and traditional expectations.
As Men’s Mental Health Month unfolded in June, conversations around men’s emotional wellbeing began circulating on social media. One of the most viral topics is Red Pill ideology—a broad term for misogynistic, anti-feminist online subcultures.
While much of the backlash comes from feminist voices condemning the harm these spaces inflict on women, criminologist researchers like Sarah Daly are now highlighting a less examined perspective: what draws men into these communities in the first place. Daly argues that understanding the underlying feelings of rejection, loneliness and emotional neglect that attract men to these groups is crucial for addressing the deeper issues fueling the ideology’s growing influence.
“When I first started, I thought this was just a bunch of men being gross online. It was easy to disregard them. But when you really talk to them one-on-one, they share painful experiences,” Daly said.
The term “Red Pilled” in this context is borrowed from the movie The Matrix and centers around the belief that society lies to men about gender, power and relationships, and that “taking the red pill” reveals the “truth.” Some of the major Red Pill factions, as identified by Daly and other researchers, include Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW); Pick-Up Artists (PUAs), who focus on strategies to manipulate women in romantic contexts; Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs), who concentrate on legal and social issues they view as discriminatory against men; and Incels, or “involuntarily celibate” men who feel unable to find romantic or sexual partners.
Red Pill communities have steadily migrated across platforms—from Reddit to YouTube, TikTok and now private Discord servers. Daly says this shift helps them evade moderation and reach wider, younger audiences through algorithm-driven feeds. Media scholars Alice Marwick and Rebecca Lewis identified YouTube as a “radicalization pipeline” in a 2017 Data & Society report. A 2021 Violence & Gender study tied Red Pill content to misogyny, isolation and, at times, real-world violence. Daly warns Discord’s encryption complicates intervention.
The paradox, Daly says, is that while these online spaces often foster toxicity, they can also provide a place of comfort for Red Pilled men, as they realize that they are not alone.
Locally, the Red Pill conversation has been heating up in recent years as well. In March 2024, UC Berkeley computer science professor Jonathan Shewchuk faced widespread criticism after advising a student on the EdStem platform to “get out of the Bay Area” if they wanted to find a girlfriend.
He claimed that “almost everywhere else on the planet is better for that” and that students would be “shocked by the stark differences in behavior of women in places where women are plentiful versus their behavior within artillery distance of San Jose and San Francisco.” His comments were deemed inappropriate and misogynistic by students and faculty alike.
His remarks drew a variety of responses from the UC Berkeley community and the broader Bay Area about misogyny in modern dating. U/Theavenues415, who posted the news from SFGATE in the r/bayarea subreddit, added a comment saying, “Red pill comments in this sub are why guys struggle. Failure to acknowledge self sabotage. Can’t blame gender ratios for everything as that is not the only thing or main thing holding you back,” with which hundreds of Redditors agreed.
At the same time, many male-identifying anonymous users were in agreement with the professor, with one user, u/Ok-Function1920, saying, “Guy is getting scolded for honesty. Lol classic Bay Area.” And another, u/trumpet88, saying, “This is such a mild (and commonly understood) take. The backlash is insane.”
Beyond straining relationships with the opposite sex, the rise of Red Pill ideology has also fractured friendships and social circles. A San Jose-based Reddit user, u/enterthedragonball, shared a post describing the painful decision to cut off a longtime friend after he began expressing Red Pill rhetoric.
“I boiled it down to pure stupidity, lack of education, and simply too much screen time,” the user said.
Daly began studying incels in 2019, shortly after completing her doctorate dissertation on mass shootings. As an expert in mass violence, gender and online communities, she shifted her focus when her initial research reached a dead end.
Over the next four years, Daly conducted in-depth interviews with incels to better understand their experiences. In 2022, she was invited by Palo Alto University to co-lead a “Primer on Incels” workshop, bringing together researchers and mental health professionals to share findings and develop practical strategies for addressing incel-related issues.
“I didn’t want my research to just die in the halls of academia,” Daly said. “There’s a serious mental health component to this.”
When she first embarked on her area of study, Daly found the expected common theme: a general hatred of women. But a finding that surprised her was the chances of them actually turning violent. According to a 2022 study co-authored by Daly and others, approximately 5% of individuals identifying as incels or within related online subcultures are considered at higher risk of engaging in real-world violence. This study, conducted by researchers at Swansea University and the University of Texas at Austin, surveyed 561 men in the U.K. and the U.S. who self-identified as incels.
“There’s an assumption that they will all turn violent,” Daly said. “But in my research, I’ve found that they’re more likely to harm themselves.”
According to Daly’s UT Austin study surveying 561 self-identified incels, approximately 75% met the criteria for moderate to severe depression, while 45% experienced severe anxiety. Furthermore, about 25% of participants scored at a level suggesting a likely diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, a rate substantially higher than the general population’s prevalence of around 1%. Daly argues that social differences can increase an incel’s risk of being bullied, often triggering deeper social withdrawal and fueling a vicious cycle of isolation.
“Many have a lifetime of bullying and mistreatment,” Daly said. “I think individual therapy is fantastic to uncover the roots of some of this trauma.”
San Jose resident Jason Pham says he is a testimony that therapy works. He shared that, like many young men, he once fell down the Red Pill rabbit hole.
“It’s a defensive shield for people who don’t want to do the hard work of looking inward,” he said.
For a long time, he believed the world was unfair and that his resentment was justified. It wasn’t until he committed to consistent therapy, reading and journaling that his mindset began to shift.
“You can’t shortcut healing,” Pham said. “The growth has to come from within.”