Well, well, well. Once again, I reach out to you and I’m met with verbal abuse, blame and violence. It’s like I can’t even extend a paw and drag a single litter-dusted claw along the vein of your forearm without hysterics over “a deep gash,” “arteries” and what might get “infected.” I see your arm is working well enough to use the spray bottle, though. This is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about before you flipped out. What this household needs, especially when we’re all rattled by the recent attack on the stupid bird, is unity. We need to come together as a family and heal, but you would rather cause more division. You would rather point fingers over who supposedly leapt from the bookcase and knocked the stupid cage down, or who came home from an alleged date to find who allegedly crouching atop the cage, reaching through the bars and batting at the stupid, cornered parakeet. It’s sad. Does it really matter which one of us dragged the bottom of that rotisserie chicken container out of the garbage and under the sofa to enjoy in peace? I could point out how rarely you vacuum under there, or how your useless human nose didn’t pick up the tang of rotting chicken juice for a week and even your date took like 20 minutes to zero in on the source. But I’m not about pitting members of this household against one another. I’m better than that. It could have just as easily been me tripping over you when you were crouched in the shadow of the steps until you sprang out, howling. But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been so operatic about it, laying by the door and moaning until that passing UPS driver heard it and called an ambulance. I definitely would not have milked that limp for weeks. Honestly, if I wasn’t able to land on my feet, I wouldn’t go around advertising it. I don’t like to victim blame but the animosity and lack of trust in this home is your fault. Clinging to old complaints from last night is a bad look for you — for all of us, really. We have a lot to be proud of and we could enjoy it — even invite guests who bring and drop food! — if you’d stop dwelling on differences and disagreements. And…