As I look back at resolutions past, I see a disheartening pattern of vows and good habits tossed aside before Valentine’s Day, along with blank journals, gym membership cards, rattling bottles of supplements and dusty self-help books. But this year will not be like previous attempts to improve my life. Rather than another shot at overhauling the content of my character and habits, I will be rebranding. I’m still kicking around a couple of catchphrases, logos and taglines, but it’s coming along. Still pre-grounding those. What’s pre-grounding, you ask? It’s the term for the activity before you start to lay the groundwork for the foundation of the first steps of a task that seems like a lot. This may include things that seem unrelated to said task, like scrolling online, settling in for a couple episodes of The Witcher, or what have you. All part of the process. You might still be referring to it by the somewhat outdated and pejorative word, “procrastinating.” Very 2022. How we phrase and frame things matters far more than what we’re actually doing. And rebranding your life and habits is far more effective than changing them. Like abandoning a flailing acting career to shill for a cosmetics line, it’s a power move. For example, in 2023, I’m no longer bingeing anything. It’s gluttonous and out of control. Instead of binge-watching, I take part in retreats where I set aside the distractions of daily life to focus and reflect on, say, 34 straight episodes of The Witcher. When I return from my Witcher retreat, dull-eyed and unwashed, I will be prepared to share the wisdom I’ve gained with others, apply the weekend’s lessons to my reality of less-hot but thankfully less violent people. Likewise, rather than bingeing, I will go on frozen Margarita cleanses. In fact, lemme get a refill from the blender here. The salt is just starting to do its thing and I feel very light and clear. I won’t be randomly eating like some clod who just consumes food without a carefully plotted and marketed set of rules, the description of which makes other people feel like bears rummaging at a dump. No, when you see me hunkered down over an Italian sub sandwich that partially obscures my face and torso, know that I am core-cycling Euro carbs, power-lactos (cheese) and counter proteins (deli meats). Cycling the crusty bread, mortadella, salami and…